Tuesday, July 13, 2004

How I learned to Party likes it's my Birthday...

...even though it's not my birthday.

No wait, hot damn - it was my birthday. Okay, so instead of recounting the same tale again and again and again to each and all who ask... this is how I spend the big 25.

FRIDAY: Getting Hammered, Nailed, and Screwed after President Bush.

So a couple weeks ago I received VIP invites to both Fat Daddy's and to The Hardware Bar to celebrate my 25th birthday. Obviously an advertising ploy to get women to show up to their respective establishments, I couldn't resist the promise of free stuff. Yes, I am that person. So I took Ben and Bob as my birthday dates to The Hardware Bar (also home to the Girls Gone Wild PA film crew) where I got an ugly t-shirt that declared "I got Hammered, Nailed, and Screwed at the Hardware Bar for my Birthday". No amount of martinis in the world would get me to put that crappy t shirt on. On the other hand, I sported my sparkling pink glittery birthday hat with pride... If just for a moment or two. My other special packages were filled with a bottle of malt liquor with the brass balls to call itself champagne. One gulp and I have declared this the worst "champagne" I've ever tasted. So, I passed it to Bob for his judgment who conquered. Ben then killed was was left of this liquid violation. So through the bar and down the stairs and through the club into the back room onto a couch we went. I tried a new martini, and for the first time in nearly two years, became quite intoxicated. The bar sucks, the club really sucks, the lounge not so bad, and the French Martini... to die for. After chatting for a minute or two, I stumbled up the stairs to play some skee ball when... there it was... the mythical machine that Ben has told me about, but I had never seen... The South Park pin ball machine. I had never attempted to play pinball while drunk, but I figured it couldn't be worse than when I was sober.... and actually I was pretty good. A few games of skee ball later and Bob delivered Ben and I safely home where I quickly went to sleep all before midnight. A sign that adult hood crept on me suddenly (kind of like a few boys I've known :0)


SATURDAY: After waking up with a feeling I didn't quite recognize (a hangover) Ben and I were off to Berks or Bucks county PA. I always get them confused... you know... the one where that M. Night fella shoots all his films. Okay, well we drove through Reading which I am officially deeming the porn capital of PA and made it in one piece to my aunts country house. The day was spent relaxing pool side with the fam. Starting out with some fantastic cold cuts for lunch, blue crabs, roast beast, potatoes, sweet corn, melons and more followed at dinner. By this time, at least half of the family was "hammered, nailed, and screwed" on their alcohol of choice which made for some interesting annotates. I also was tossed around the pool by my uncle attempting have me dive from his shoulders. The day ended up so fun and exhausting that we never made it to the strip club that evening as my uncle promised.

SUNDAY: By this point I was one of the few people in the house not nursing a hangover. I woke up in the hay loft of the barn house to a near empty home. Everyone had gone shopping... So I went out to the pool... lofts and pools are a luxury not enjoyed in our downtown studio apartment. Then came brunch... starting with my baby's now famous French crepes. I then ate a red tamale, a green tamale, (I love tamales)a bowl of strawberries, a mimosa, and bourbon grilled pears. This mini vacation/birthday was turning out to be the best I've eaten in way too long. Pulling ourselves away from the party, we made the quick skip through Philly an onward to New Jersey... New Jersey, the only state that let's you in for free but charges you to leave. After making and then checking in to our casino hotel in Atlantic City, we rushed down to the beach to catch the afternoon sun and tide. Now, after floating in the Pacific... the Atlantic is like muck diving. I remember trips to Wildwood/Cape May/Ocean City/Atlantic City shores before, often during the 80's and most recently on the way home from my college graduation. I had NEVER, EVER, EVER seen a beach so dirty disgusting and nasty. I tried to pretend the sea grime wasn't there... I'm pretty good at denial... and hey at least it wasn't medical waste. But the denial aspect soon failed and we briskly made it back to the room and into the casinos.


Granted, I'm not really one to review a casino seeing that Bally's is the first I've ever been too. The Wild Wild West casino kicked some serious ass. Granted, the first machine Ben popped a couple of quarters into he won $40. Not a bad start. We decided to walk around and check out the surroundings. We ended up in Caeser's where Ben played a machine randomly and won $50. Lucky Lucky Lucky. I was not so. So we had a nice dinner (batter grilled onions!) and nightcap with the monies that we (ok, Ben) won. I love a good onion, not to mention chicken wings. And alas, after our Russian waitress finally brought us a bill for our nightcap, we quickly retired to our room for some much needed sleep.

MONDAY: And then there was rain.

Okay, so when one hears "scattered thunder showers" at least in reference to humid July mid Atlantic weather, one expects... Okay, so I thought that meant brief yet really intense rains throughout the area most likely in the later afternoon. Why does it always, always, rain when we go anywhere. After tanking the last of my gambling monies, we were on the road again headed back home. By the time we reached suburban Philly, visibility was down to about 2 white dashes of the highway lane lines. And we had to cross the Walt Whitman bridge. For any who do not know Ben, he hates suspension bridges... Severely phobic. But he survived the daunting crossing and so did I, only to find out the road in Philly were flooded from the rain. Drop after drop pounded and pounded and pounded until finally we came to Valley Forge and I had had enough. We sought refuge, and lunch, at King of Prussia (PA's version of the Mall of America). I dragged poor Ben through Pottery Barn and the designer sections of Norstrom's to see the pretty things not available to me in my hometown. About 2 hours later, we finally made it home... and back to work, reality, and York.

I have to rate this birthday a 10/10 and probably my best since my 21st back in 2000. 22 I worked a 16 hour day at the movie theater in the mall. I don't remember 23 so that in itself says something. 24 was spend shark watching at Baltimore... where again Ben and I were victim's of torrential harbor storms. So, I couldn't have had a better birthday... Okay, well if I would have hit the wheel of fortune slots for 1.7 mil that could have made it better... but all in all life is good.


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