Thursday, October 28, 2004

"I have an irrational fear of bees."

Lost 1-06: "The House of the Rising Sun" or The Story of Sun & Jin.

Kate and Jack are getting snuggly on the beach... "Verbal Copulation" according to Charlie.

Jin, after a bit of fishing randomly and visciously attacks Michael nearly killing him. Walt and Sun scream for help. Sayid and Sawyer (oddly working together) break up the fight. Sayid cuffs Jin to some reckage to let him bake in the hot island sun.

Dr. Jack leads a water party into the jungle including Kate, Charlie and Locke. Charlie sneaks aways trying to get a dose of dope into his bloodstream when Locke startles him. It's seems an oblivious Charlie decided to rail some heroin on top a bee hive. One move and the hive cracks sending the buzzy bees everywhere. Charlie with his self declared "irrational fear of bees" panics. The hive breaks charging after the group. Dr. Jack and Kate quickly shed their clothes to get rid of the bees. Everyone runs back to the waterfall.

Check me out, I'm baking.

On the beach, "Sheriff" Sayid asks Michael what he did to kindle the attack. Michael is frustrated and offended. In his anger, he accuses Jin's of racial motivations. Sun is very upset and tends to her husbands scarred wrist.

Mostly naked by the waterfall, Kate and Dr. Jack discover... HUMAN REMAINS. Jack takes a look. By the rate of decomposition, he thinks the bodies are 40 to 50 years dead. One is male and the other female: The islands very own Adam and Eve. Dr. Jack finds some shiny marbles on the bodies, one black and one white.

The hamster is running round the wheel in Jack's head. He realizes, they can't reasonably take the water to people to meet the rate of consumption. Instead, he decides they must bring the people to the water. Jack and Kate head back to camp. Charlie and Locke rummage through the reckage at the site and begin to set up camp.

Walt and Michael have issues when Walt asks why Jin attacked him. Michael realizes that Walt knows nothing about him... at all.

Charlie desperately is still trying to fix himself up without Locke catching on. Locke, as it turns out, is a huge fan of Drive Shaft. They talk about Charlie's guitar and Locke offers more metaphysical advice about the island. What did Locke see in the jungle? Locke asks Charlie to make an offering to island.

Your hair blows in the wind too! We're made for each other.

After Jack presents his idea, the castaways become very divided about moving the camp, including Kate. Sawyer asks Kate which man she's going to choose Sayid or Dr. Jack, the beach or the jungle? Kate talks to Jack and tell hims she's not ready to "dig in". She can't leave the beach.

Sun - in PEFECT ENGLISH - asks Michael for help. She explains that Jin is upset because Michael is wearing her father's watch. Michael says he found it in the reckage. Sun tells him it represents honor and a deeper meaning between her husband and father.

In the jungle, Locke demands that Charlie gives up his junk before he runs out. Quit by choice and not by force. The withdraw is inevitable. Charlie gives up his drugs. Locke tells him to look up. There, tangled in the landscape, is Charlie's guitar.

I was on 24 last season... I know how this ends!

On the beach, Michael confronts Jin while clasping an ominous axe. Finnally, after venting frustration, he cuts Jin cut loose from the cuffs. The castaways split into two "factions". The Cave Camp and the Beach. At the caves joining Locke, Charlie, and his guitar, are Hurley, Jin, Sun and Jack. At the beach, Sayid, Boone, Shannon, Michael, Walt, Sawyer, and Kate keep hope and the signal fire alive. Sawyer and Kate seem to be developing a bond, stronger than the cuteness of her and Jack.

Secrets... everybody's got 'em! Sun is part of Korean high society looking like an Asian Desperate Housewife. Jin is only a waiter but obviously in love with her. Sun wants to run away to America with Jin so they can live happily outside the bounds of their culture. Jin on the other hand is determined to earn his wife the old fashioned way. He gives her an orchid and promises to one day make it a diamond. Later, Jin meets with Sun's father. Jin tells Sun that her family has blessed their relationship and he gives her a very expensive engagement ring. Sun is elated until Jin tells her in exchange he must work for her father. She becomes extremely upset. After their wedding, Sun comes home to find a Sharpei puppy. Jin says she needs company since all he does is work. Later in their marriage, Jin runs into the apartment directly to bathroom. He's covered in blood. Sun is frantic until Jin tells her he was working... for her father. Sun then makes a decision. She seeks council from a woman posing as an interior decorator. The women asks Sun abouther lessons (assuming English). The women then gives Sun specific instructions on how to disappear from her husband and father at the airport. She leaves Sun with the proper passports. In Australia, Sun takes the first steps towards her freedom. She walks towards the exit while Jin waits in line. She's extremely sad. She looks back at her husband who sweetly smiles and holds in his hand a wild orchid. For the first time in too long, Sun sees the man she fell in love with. She walks away from the door taking her fateful place by her husbands side.

And the wailing and the stomping? No wailing, stomping, polar bears, boars or ghosts. In fact, there was nothing, besides the skeletons, out of the ordinary at all this week.

Are we still Lost? I'm still holding tight with The Last Battle theory I proposed last week. Until I see anything to show me otherwise, I think everyone is dead. Thoughts?


Yes it's true. The RedSox 86-ed that pesky curse last night to swept the cards under the proverbial rug.

We forgive you, Bill Buckner

If I were the type of person who believed in such things as curses, hexes, spells, omens, and signs from the PTB, I'd say good things are in the air for next Tuesday's storm of the century as the North rises again.

Of course there is the other theory that the world must exist in balance. Boston, and us Bosto-philes, can't have our fatalist cake and eat it too. Therefore, a RedSox win assures a loss for Kerry.

Regardless, I don't ask for much. So if the PTB are listening, two back to back miraculous events aren't too much to ask for... is it?

Monday, October 25, 2004

Thought Crimes

Okay, here are two news stories of interest. The first is a follow up to a local "scandal" that I blogged on involving my High School back in July: Alma Mater going Ape over Adam & Eve. The other is just weird. For time and sanity's sake, I'll let you form your own opinions on such happenings.

Move over monkeys and make way for the Buckingham Panda Trial:

"Lawsuit possible on new Dover biology rule"

Sidenote: It isn't bad enough our community gains national attention for our Mayor being charged with murder (based on race mind you), but now because some people feel that The Theory of Evolution is poisioning the minds of the young. Remember folks, this is an area President Bush himself calls Bush country.

BrainGate: Implants lead to thought control... this is a little two Terminator, Gattaca, Total Recall for me:

"Implant lets paralyzed man turn thoughts into action"

For more on BrainGate.

THE BOX - I got a fever, and the only cure is...

more cowbell?

No, no that's not right.

Curt Schilling? Perhaps.

John Kerry? Maybe.

Okay, okay... don't expect the normal box updates this week as I will be on overload between the BoSox & The Election... there's simply no time for high quality scripted drama.

So don't worry, I'm not dead, nor have I actually regained any form of a social life... the regular Veronica: Lost & Desperate updates will be back next week. I hope.

THE BOX - "Grrr.... Argh"

Put a stake in it, it's done!

How many times have we seen those words over the past year and a half... good-bye Buffy, good-bye Angel, but now come the really death... the end of Mutant Enemy.

While Buffy herself is topping the box office in The Grudge and shattering all expectations, another story tops Variety's TV page: 'Buffy' boss pulls up stakeWhedon wants out of TV.

Per Variety: "'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' creator Joss Whedon is done with TV -- for now. Twentieth Century Fox TV has approved Whedon's request to halt his overall deal at the studio, effectively shuttering his Mutant Enemy production shingle."

Maybe this all has to do with his feature film career on the horizon's with Serenity, the Firefly film due out the second quarter of next year, and unconfirmed involvement in X3.

POPCORN REVIEWS: Mixed Bag of Nuts... Dead nuts

Move over Jenny G., We're the best "Thriller" revival on film.

Shaun of the Dead: 9/10

Shaun sells electronics and appliances by day and drinks beer by night. His best friend, Ed, sells pot from Shaun's couch when he's not busy playing video games. Shaun has a prick for a step father and his girlfriend just dumped him. Nothing is going Shaun's way, so... he and Ed get drunk and spend the night playing DJ with his "Electro" records. The two who are used to ignoring the world outside themselves eventually discover that while they were downing pints, the Apocolypse had come to London. The two, after much debate, decide to steal their flatmate's car, rescue Shaun's mother, Barbara, kill his step dad, rescue Liz, Shaun's ex, then make their way to some place familier and secure where they know where the exits are and they can smoke... The Winchester, their nightly haunt. And so, they go about their quest with a shovel and cricket bat. Hilarity ensues.

As most horror movies are a comment on some social cause be it "Divorce hurts children" (The Exorcist) or "Don't have Premarital Sex" (Friday the 13th), Shaun too delivers a message without any cheesy message moments we've seen in this years comedies from 13 Going on 30 to Mean Girls to The Girl Next Door. Instead of a lesson learned type monalogue, Shaun delivers strong visual commentaries. The shot composition and sight gags are no less than brilliant making this one of the funniest films that I've ever seen. If you're a working class creature of habit, how much different are you from a brain eating zombie? Well, only you know the answer to that one.

Among the rescent ressurection of the Zombie genre, "Shaun" smacks of wit and satyr while staying true the genre. The film does for zombies what Scream did for slasher films acknowledging cliches while still adhearing to the rules. Night of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later, Day of the Dead, and the Evil Dead Trilogy were all paid tribute with honor instead of the too standard Scary Movie style mockery. Shaun is an all around solid film. Writing, Acting, Directing, Editing, and even the music were all top notch. This film is all about laughes. The "horror" only comes by the realization that you too might be a working class zombie. If you're looking for thrills, chills, and screams go elsewhere. But if it's blood, guts, and guffaws you crave, don't skip this film. Shaun of the Dead is an instant classic to be watched again and again and again making it the Office Space of Monster movies.

As for other things I've been watching, here's a random assortment of this past week's viewing:

The Omen Trilogy: 6/10 for The Omen, 3/10 for the rest.

AMC aired the entire Omen trilogy on Sunday, twice. I've often said that The Omen is to The Exorcist what Dante's Peake is to Volcano. Of course, both The Omen and The Exorcist are far superior to either lava epic. The Omen stars Gregory Peck, one of the best actors of all time, as an American ambassador in London. He and his wife (Lee Remick) are overcome with grief when their child is still born. To fill the void, the couple adopt a child. Mystery surround him and people keep dying. Faced with sign after sign and body after body, Peck decides he must kills his son. With the pint size Antichrist on the alter of an astounding gothic cathedral, he takes one of the seven knives in the world that can kill the son of Satan. The climax is dramatic, powerful, and the scene in the film. Damien: The Omen II and The Final Conflict starring Sam Neil were lacking two of best parts of The Omen... the cast and director. Both went the way of Exorcist II: The Heretic more designed to satisfy public demand than for any creative purpose. While the Exorcist III, written and directed by William Peter Blatley breathed new life into the franchise, The Final Conflict was never able to rise to the occasion. The Omen was one of Richard Donnor's (Superman, Lethal Weapon, The Goonies) first films and was solid for what it was. Does is scare? It's definately creepy in that Helter Skelter kind of way but doesn't offer up too many "eeks". The Oscar-nominated music, Ave Satani, is by far the creep driver of the film in the way that Halloween's score to this day will (or should) scare a baby sitter. This is perfect for rainy sunday afternoons, but not an absolute must see. Consequently, the most lasting effect of this film is the sense of evil forever tied to the name Damien.

Something's Gotta Give: 6/10
This film is really good, but the last act was too cheesy. Once Diane Keaton's character Erica started crying non stop, I was lost and only hung on to see how it ended. I get it, I just thought it was beneath the smartness of the first two acts. The Jack and Diane chemistry was great as was Keanu. Amanda Peet was sweet and silly departing from her normally queen bitch rolls. This film is good for what it is, but it isn't great. Jack and Diane also delivered good performances, but when don't they? This is a "mom" film and not much more.

The Rundown: 7/10
From Peter Berg, whom I've always loved as an actor, made up for his "Very Bad" directorial debut. Staring The Rock and Sean William Scott in what in essence is a "buddy movie" against the wickedly evil South American miner played by Christopher Walken. Duane couldn't have picked a better post Scorpian follow up to showoff any acting ability. And guess what, he has some. He's easily plays funny, strong, desperate, and heroic. SWS on the other hand just delivers more Stiffler Dude failing to bring anything new to the screen. This is a fun action adventure movie in the footsteps of Jewel of the Nile or Romancing the Stone. Yes, this film has spectactular action, the best this side of Kill Bill. The Rundown is definately worth the rent and makes me more eager to see Berg's Friday Night Lights which is now in theaters.

Owning Mahowny: 6/10
No one plays desperate and down trodden like Phillip Seymore Hoffman unless maybe William H. Macy, his Boogie Nights buddy. As Macy starred in the phenomenal The Cooler last year, Hoffman headlines a less pretty gambling centric film of his own. Mahowny (or Howmany?) is a top banker in Toronto who escalates his gambling addiction south of the boarder in Atlantic City and Vegas. Racking up astounding debts, he keeps playing. He gets his capital from skimming Canadian accounts he's working with then losing it all in the United States. Mahowny gives a scary view of a gambling addicts mind... it's not about the money, it's about the win. The downward spiral of this true story is scary, frustrating, and unnerving. In fact that's the biggest problem the film has... there is never hope. Every time we're up, we know we're coming back down. The director, Richard Kwietniowski, matched this downer theme in cinematography and character alike. At one point, I wondered why I should bother watching the rest of the film because I had no hope for the central character. It's a great film for the topic is was tackling, but the slow, sad, drag wasn't at all entertaining and mostly depressing.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

"Desperate" Values

The American Family Association, a "ministry devoted to the preservation of traditional family values," is "desperate" to keep sex off television.

You can read all about it here: Yahoo! News - Advertisers Not "Desperate"

Thanks for the heads up Darren.

Anyway, regardless of any of the freedom of speech and other "moral issues", can you name a commercial and which show you saw it durring? Besides the Superbowl, I do not associate advertiser with programming at all. Mostly, because I'm in the bathroom, kitchen, or flipping between different channels. Or, I'm watching HBO.

Regardless, these groups attack advertisers which I think is unfair. Why don't you boycott ABC? Why don't you boycott Disney products as a whole? Why don't you take your crusade to the airwaves? Why do you threaten to attack advertisers? Okay, I know why, but I think it's dirty back door business. You want to hurt the networks pockets. "Desperate" is the highest rated new show on television. You're just mad that people like it.

Well, I'm mad that reality television is still around. I personally boycott programming by watching something else. I don't threaten. I don't tell others what they can or can't watch.

"I've looked into the eye of this island... and it is beautiful."

Lost 1-04: "White Rabbit" or Dr. Jack's Story

In between NLCS Game 6 and ALCS Game 7 I caught 95% of Lost last night. Also, that's why I haven't posted about Veronica Mars this week. I'll play catch up next Tuesday on MTV. You can do the same.

When I tuned in, Jack was pulling Boone ashore. Apparently a woman got caught in the riptide and didn't make it back. Dr. Jack is continuously plagued by a suited man on the horizon. Is he losing his mind?

Hurley and Charlie realize that there are only 18 bottles of water left. They decide to move the remaining bottles to a safe place to ration. They don't want to create a panic. Locke goes alone into the jungle to bring back water.

Sun wants to try harder to communicate with the others. Jin forbids her saying that he will provide for her needs. Since they don't speak any English, they don't know that they are lost... they don't know no one is coming.

Sawyer has horded all the "valuble" things he could salvage such as twinkies and bug repellent. He's selling them to the rest of the cast aways.

Everyone keeps running to Jack for advice as he still refuses to take command. He and Boone have a confrontation about island leadership. Jack again sees the suited man. He chases after him, his father... deep into the jungle.

Back on the beach, very pregnant Clair collapses under the heat. Charlie discovers that the last of the water is missing. Someone stole it. They turn to Jack for answers, but he's gone.

Kate sees Sun with a bottle of water and asks where she got it. She points to Sawyer. Sayid and Kate follow Sawyer later into the jungle to find where he's stashing the water. They discover he's not the culpit after all. He's just waiting for the rain. He traded his last bottle for a fish that Jin caught.

Jack, on his jungle chase, flies over a cliff. Locke, near by, comes to his rescue and lends him a life saving hand. The two talk in the jungle. Jack explains that
that he's hallucinating. Locke tells him he needs to step up to the plate and lead these people before chaos takes over. Jack's scared and doesn't think he can do it. Locke asks Jack to consider that his hallucinations are actual. To accept that things on this island are possible. Locke leaves Jack to chase his "white rabbit" and heads back to shore.

Jack's father appears to him again. Jack grabs a stick of fire and follows him deeper into the jungle, to a waterfall and spring. Fresh, crystal clear, beautiful water. There is a piece of the plane with a casket. Jack opens in, but it's empty.

Jack now knows what to do. He makes it back to the beach where they have caught the thief, Boone. Jack breaks up the cavemen mob and takes control. He tells the others that it has been six days. They need to accept that help isn't coming: To give up their hope. They stop waiting and start living. Jack begins to organize.

Secrets... everybody's got 'em! The flashbacks this week focus on Jack. He had a less than perfect relationship with his father who was the chief of surgery at a hospital. His father advises him at a young age that he doesn't have what it takes to safe a life, so it's best to not even try. The failure will be too much to deal with. Jack's father had some secrets of his own. He left Jack's mother, which he must have done alot, but this time it's worse. He ran away to Sydney where he drank himself to death in a short amount of time. Jack went to Australlia to track down his father and bring him home. In Sydney, he found his father's fate. After signing for the body, he couldn't get the casket through customs due to a paper work error. He begs and pleads with the a airline to grant him this favor, that he just needs to get his father in the ground, to get this over with. Not until he's in the jungle does Jack discover that his father's casket made it onto the flight. When Jack examines the casket, it's empty. So is Jack's dead father walking on the island? If Locke can walk again, can the island heal and ressurect?

And the wailing and the stomping? No wailing or stomping, no freak rain storms, only wicked rip tides and walking dead.

Are we still Lost? At this point, are our castaways even alive? Are they dead? In heaven? In hell? In purgatory? In another dimenson? In a coma? Lost in a bizarre space time continuem? At this point, anything possible. Right now the story is very reminicent of The Last Battle, the final book in The Chronicles of Narnia. Read it and draw your own conclusions.

Sweet Jesus!

The NY Post: Damned Yankees
The Daily News: Hell Freezes Over
The Boston Globe: Believe

Yes, it's true. If you didn't make it through the bottom of the 9th, you're waking up to a whole new world. The greatest losers of all time beat Evil Inc on home turf for the first time since 1904. This game was 100 years in the making. Now that's a comeback.

The RedSox just wrote history. Damon, Ortiz, Schilling, Lowe... just achieved god-like status just as Hercules, Achilles, and Perseus. For the full Ghostbusting effort, click here.

As for the Series, if I remember correctly a RedSox win is one of the signs of the Apocalypse.

Bring it On!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Of Balls and Ballots...

If God has a sense of humor, a sense of irony, a sense of poetic metaphore... this is it.

The Civil War II: Texas v. Boston

- It's more than baseball, it's more than politics, and it sure is beautiful. In these final days as President Bush, the former Texas Governor and former owner of the Texas Rangers, gears up for election day against his rival, John Kerry, an Irish Catholic Bostonian lawyer, the gloves come off. The rules of debate subside and it seams as if all civility has evaporated from the American political arena.

...but what about a game where there are rules? Strict rules. Rules are inforced and all is "fair". Last night, in the RedSox & Yanks historic showdown in the Bronx, A-Rod showed us some classic Texas character. When the going gets rough, cheat. The former Texas Ranger decided to take matters into his own hands giving the Yanks a bitter sweet run against Boston. The problem is that's against the rules.

According to Section 6.1 of the MLB Umpire Manual, "While contact may occur between a fielder and runner during a tag attempt, a runner is not allowed to use his hands or arms to commit an obviously malicious or unsportsmanlike act."

10 minutes umongst 6 umpires determined that A-Rod was out. Unfortunately, 9 justices couldn't reach the same conclusion in 2000. There are now outs in politics. If only things were so simple in Washington, D.C.

In a blood soaked uniform, Curt gets the job done.

While most would bank on a Cardinals-Yanks Show for the final game of the year... Wouldn't there at least be some beauty, some ironic destiny, in the Huston Astros and Boston RedSox slugging it out days before Bush and Kerry face the music?

Giving hope to dreams, fighting through blood and pain, proving he has what it takes to lead.

Please don't pull a Bill Buckner Mr. Kerry.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Undead for Kerry

What would Mr. Pointy do?

That Texan gives me the wiggin's

In a very curious fundraiser, Buffyverse Meniacal Mastermind Joss Whedon is offering to call you and talk to you. He wants your support for Senator Kerry, and so do I for that matter.

"Whether you're a Democrat, a Republican, a Independent, undecided, or a flesh-eating demon, you don't want to miss this chance to hear from Joss. It will be shiny."

Sure, we've all heard Joss champion his own genius again and again and again. But this time, it's for a good cause.

"He's Irish and Undead, of course I'm voting for Kerry... Wait, can vampires vote?"

For more information about throwing a Buffy for Kerry type fundraising party this weekend, visit High Stakes 2004.

Thanks for the heads up Jon.

I Heart MA

It seems as if Evil Inc is out to get Massachussettes. President Bush showed no love for the state as he uttered "from Massachussettes" with such distain over and over again during the debates. Since when did MA become part of the Axis of Evil? I like Massachusettes no matter what anyone says. In fact, given the chance, I would move to Boston tomorrow. It's an all around great town filled with great people and proud, compassionate, and intelligent American values. Remember, it wasn't called the Texas Tea Party.

Anyway, if it wasn't bad enough in the political arena, Evil Inc has also been dominating the Sports pages crucifying the greatest losers of all time, the All American Underdogs, the Red Sox. Last night, I traded in the fictional Boston Legal for a much more dramatic reality showdown of good and evil happening live in Boston. Keep in mind, I love New York City. It's the greatest city in the world and will always consider myself at the very least 51% New Yorker. To that end, I would just like to say...

Who's Your Daddy Now!?!

THE BOX: "Rex Cries After He Ejaculates"

While I don't have much time to post today, I believe that the headline pretty much sums up all you needed to know about Deperate Houswives last night.

I'll take Secrets of Wysteri Lane for 1000, Alex: Human Remains... What is the contents of that unsinkable trunk? Correct!

Thursday, October 14, 2004

POPCORN: How the Oscar's are like a Big Tittied Woman...

Guess who has just been tapped to host the 77th annual Academy Awards telecast?

Breaking news from Variety declares that "The Oscars are about to get, in Chris Rock's own words, 'bigger and black'."

Rock first came on radar during his Nat X days on Saturday Night Live. Over the past ten years, Rock has headlined his own show, starred in numerous films, and delivered outstanding gut-busting comedy via his concert specials, DVD's, and CDs. If you haven't seen it, rent or buy Never Scared. The funniest thing I've seen all year. Well, it probably ties with the "Cornballer" episode of Arrested Development (on DVD Tues.).

Let's just hope, for their sake, none of the best actress nominees wear clear heels.

THE BOX: "Don't tell me what I can't do."

Lost 1-04: "Walkabout"
This is the first episode written by Mutant Enemy Alum, David Fury.

I’ve got two large nuts and a briefcase full of knives. Who’s your Daddy now?

It’s night. From the darkness, the camp is raided by a group of wild boars. After surviving and recovering from the boars, Dr. Jack announces that something must be done with the bodies of the dead. They are unable to bury them because the boars will dig them back up. Only one thing can be done, and no one likes the idea. Dr. Jack decides to pile the corpses into the fuselage and set it ablaze. He hopes that at night, some one, anyone, will see the fire.

Sayid completes his latest professor like marvel, an antenna booster... The giant ball of coils is supposed to act like those "signal boosters" places advertise for your cell phone.

Meanwhile, Hurley and Sawyer get into a fight over nuts, the last bag. A general panic spread momentarily. Locke breaks out his knives dazzling the crowd declaring "We hunt!" Locke, Michael, and Kate venture on another jungle trek, this time in search of some baby boar. Dr. Jack is concerned why Kate signs up for the “heart of darkness” tour so often. Michael's ulterior motive is to get a better read on Locke since Walt, Michael's son, is fond of the man. Kate takes the booster that Sayid rigged planning on finding a prime location for it. Sayid and Kate are hoping to track the French distress signal’s source. During the trek in the woods, a boar catches the team off guard. Michael's leg is gored. Kate ties off his wounds and tries to get him back to the beach. Locke, against Kate's advice, decides to go it alone deeper into the jungle. On the way back to the beach, Kate climbs a tree to get plant the booster. At the top, she's distracted and drops it rendering it useless. Locke is face to face with one of the towering mystery creatures.

Back on the beach, Dr. Jack is unwilling to step into the leadership role. Claire collects the remaining items and decides to hold a mass memorial service later when they burn the bodies.

Shannon and her bro, Boone, continue to be at odds. He challenges her to catch a fish. Relying on her manipulative assets, Shannon uses Charlie. He goes fishing and brings her back a prime catch. Boone is frustrated with his sister's denial of the situation and her callous demeanor with everyone. Charlie realizes he's been used. He sneaks into the jungle and dips into the remainder of his dope.

Kate and Michael make it back to the beach and tell the party that Locke didn't make it out of the jungle. She gives the remaining parts of the booster to a frustrated Sayid.

Sawyer shares his nuts with Claire.

Jack is counseling Ruth, a woman in shock. She believe that the people from the tail of the plane that broke off before the crash are still alive in the same situation... believing their loved ones are dead. Jack sees a man in a suit along a ridge. Moments later, the man is gone. Kate briefs Jack on the latest when Jack sees the man again. He runs after the mystery figure only to find Locke bloody and boar in hand. Between the fish and pig, no one's going hungry tonight.

At the memorial service, Michael asks Locke about the monster. He says that he saw nothing.

Secrets... everybody's got 'em! In Locke's story, we get a glimpse into he past. He goes by "The Colonel". Not a military man though, Locke is a data processor or accounting department rep or some other nondescript bland cubically imprisoned office worker. His younger, cocky manager belittles “the colonel”. Locke is a lonely man planning a trip to Austrailla for a walkabout tour. He talks to a woman named Helen on the phone, and asks her to join him. She tells him she can't meet customers giving us the impression she was a phone sex operator or something of the sort. Finally making it to the Outback, by himself, Locke is denied a spot on the walkabout exhibition team. The leader explains to Locke that he simply "can't do it." Locke argues that he can, when the man explains that the insurance company forbids people in Locke's condition from joining any exhibition. We find out Locke's secret: He’s paralyzed from the waste down. Is this the miracle secret he shared with Walt? When Locke wakes from the plain crash, he's able to wiggle his big toe. He struggles to stand and walk for the first time in years. Locke reminds us again and again, "Don't tell me what I can't do."

And the wailing and the stomping? There is lots of wailing and stopping coming from the boars. Locke explains how boars hunt and how to track them. Thye use their tucks to mark the trees. So, are there GIANT boars that have been sucking trees down? Personally, I don't think so. When we see through the eyes of the monster during the jungle scene, we look down on Locke at least 20 feet... I can't picture a boar, or a polar bear for that matter, that big.

Are we still Lost? You betcha.

Next week: Who was that ghost on the ridge? Was he real? Has Dr. Jack lost his mind?

For more on Lost visit Lost-TV or for more specifics on "Walkabout" visit the official site.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

THE BOX: "My mom's a liar, and my dad's a circus freak"

Veronica keeps getting better and better. This show is absolutely excellent!

Before we get into last night's episode, I would like to say how much I love the way sex and teenage sexuality is handled on this show. Most teen saga series involve the main character losing her virginity at some point, whether that's Brenda and Dylan, Buffy and Angel, or Joey and Pacey... we've seen the story again and again. Veronica on the other hand doesn't know who she lost her virginity to since the perpetrator(s) drugged her. Instead of allowing herself to be a victim, Veronica is smart and outwardly confident even in the terms of sex. She knows that everyone thinks she's a slut, but instead of wasting air defending herself or dysfunctionally accepting the label, she carries a sort of sexual empowerment rarely seen in any teenage girl. She makes sex funny if only to carry her through her personal pain. She comments to her father at one point when he asks about her date, "The sex was good at least." "That's not funny," he adds. "Really, I though it was." Veronica is an amazing character in that she takes the dirt and words people throw at her and spins them around into a new meanings. She's nobody's doormat.
1-03 "Meet John Smith"

Duncan and Veronica before the murder, mayhem, and ruffies.

Veronica takes the case of Justin Smith, "pint size" school mate who has a crush on Veronica. He lies to her asking for Veronica's help in finding his missing father. He gives Veronica nothing to go on but his father's name, John Smith. Justin's father died when he was in second grade. He's hoping Veronica won't discover any of this thus allowing lots of bonding time.

Meanwhile, Veronica's bonding with Troy, the new boy in town. Dropping her guard for a moment, Veronica asks out Troy. The spend a great date together having dinner at the marina. When Troy goes in to cap the night with a kiss, Veronica instinctively shuts him down cooling off any growing momentum.

Veronica's very attractive guidance counselor meets with her Dad to discuss his daughter's social isolation and insubordination that has recently surfaced. Sheriff Mars overhears a discussion between Veronica and Justin about parental abandonment and decides that maybe Veronica does need someone to talk to and seeks the counsel of her high school counselor.

Duncan, Veronica's ex-boyfriend, is living in a very dysfunctionally family. His mother believes in medication and therapy including a "Life Coach" while his father believes in denial and suppression of emotions. Duncan is caught in between. His parents have been forcing anti-depressants on him since his sister's, Lily, murder. One morning he accidentally drops his pill down the drain. Duncan takes himself off anti-depressants and wakes up to the world around him for the first time in months. He's has a hard time coping the unexpected withdraw symptoms. At one point, he catches a glimpse of Veronica planting a kiss on Troy to make up for her waffle at the marina. Enraged, he swan dives off the bleachers after them. Duncan sustains a head injury and Veronica rushes him to a hospital.

Through all of this, it turns out that John Smith, Justin's Dad, isn't dead after all. His mother lied to him. Veronica tracks John to San Diego. After school, Justin rides along to check him out. He believes he can ID his dad if he meets him face to face. Veronica breaks into John Smith's house only to find a parole officer who threatens to turn her into the police. The real John Smith pulls into the drive way where Justin ID's him, or actually her. Turns out Justin's dead father is the woman who rents videos from him every Saturday afternoon. His world raveling apart, Justin runs back home with Veronica.

Inspired by John Smith's devotion to his son, to drive 90 miles to rent videos just to see him for a moment every week, Veronica decides to drive to Phoenix, AZ after school. That's where she has tracked her mother to. Veronica rushes up to a long haired blonde gardening only to find disappointment. It's her mother's college friend. She tells Veronica that her mother left two weeks ago, afraid her father would track her to Arizona. Veronica vents her rage and disappointment in her Mom. The woman reassures Veronica that she is the number one priority in her mother's life. That Lianne Mars is doing all of this for Veronica, that one day it will make sense. With more questions than answers, Veronica heads back to LA. Distraught, she seeks out comfort from Troy.

CASEBREAK 103: Obviously, it seems that things aren't as simple as Veronica thought when it comes to her mother and father. So was her mother having an affair with Jake Kane? Is it possible that through tawdry affairs and dirty little lies that Veronica and Duncan are brother and sister and that's why Mrs. Kane was so against their relationship?

Also, when Duncan went off his meds he was haunted by intense sexual hallucinations of Veronica and visited by his dead sister who told him to open his eyes and wake up to the truth. Which means Duncan knows something. Whether or not he knows he knows something is another matter entirely (make sense?). The dreams were so upsetting to Duncan, he quickly went back to his pharmaceutical state as a walking zombie.

Next week Veronica goes all Sydney Bristow with wigs and high tech toys.

Other Tuesday night Tidbits: I would just like to add that SVU was phenomenal last night. I was incredibly upset and disappointed in the ending. It wasn't a bad ending, I just completely disagree with the jury's decision. The guest stars were also top notch with satirically brilliant Lewis Black and castaway Maggie Grace (from Lost).

Monday, October 11, 2004

DH Secrets

E! Online's column, Watch with Kristin that features the television tidbits and obsessions of Kristen has five secrets of Wysteria Lane.

If you want to know what's in pool, what plumber Mike's deal is, who's on speed, who beds Mike, and what exactly that little girl is doing watching Gabrielle and John... check on E! Online.

THE BOX: Desperate's Wysteria Hysteria

I'm the number one slut in America!

DH 1-02: "Ah, But Underneath"

Gabrielle, underneath the platinum and diamond exterior, is suffering silently, but not alone. To counter her boring relationship with her husband, Gabrielle's escapades with John - the teenage gardener - have stepped up a notch. She and John are nearly caught. To avoid any future issues, Gabrielle decided to bang John as his house, while his mom is coaching his sister's soccer team. John give Gabrielle one perfect rose as a gift only to be apparently one upped by her husband who gives her a luxury convertible. Gabrielle realizes that John is falling in love with her.

Lynette is struggling with her boys rowdy mini-van antics. A cop pulls the van over and critiques Lynette's mothering skills. She snaps at the cop, who scared by her, only issues a warning. The nosiest neighbor on the block tells Lynette to abandon her boys along side of the road and drive around the block to pick them back up. Lynette takes the advice, but her scared straight tactics backfire. A plump and overly opinionated woman takes the boys in for milk and cookies. When the woman confronts a frantic Lynette about her anger management issues, the boys bite, push, and torture the woman demonstrating the full force that Lynette is up against. They cease their van antics and quickly drive back to Wysteria Lane.

Bree convinces Rex to attend marriage counseling instead of filing for divorce. Bree's icy exterior doesn't melt on the counseling couch as she makes small talk. Rex is frustrated by his wife's perfection seeking persona. He stands her up at counseling session two hoping she might unwind alone. Bree, through each session, has be transfixed by the thread bare buttons of the therapist's coat and is completely unable to relax. Bree refuses the solo opportunity, but then returns begging to fix the button. As she stitches the doctor's blazer, Bree gives her own psycho-analysis of Dr. Freud who she believes was ungrateful for all the back-breaking work his mother did for him. Bree lets out some of her Freudian fears. While stitching, she vents subtly that her need for perfection comes from the common social belief that most adult neuroses evolve from their insufficient mothers.

Susan and Edie continue to go head to head for Plumber Mike's affection. Noisy neighbor, whose name I can't remember but is into everyone's business, finds Susan's measuring cup in the remains of Edie's fire-ridden house. Susan invites Mike to dinner with herself and her daughter Jenna. Mike offers to cook instead and invites his new neighbors to dinner. Susan has her seduction planned with excuses for Jenna to stay at home. Edie finds out and uses her cunning sexplotative skills to get an invitation too. Susan shows up early to score some alone time with Mike, only to find Edie in the kitchen already. Susan realizes she's "losing" to Edie who is bonding with Mike's dog. So, to get in with the German Sheppard, Susan dabs beef gravy on her pressure points. The dog begins to lap her up and accidentally inhales a chandelier earring. Scared and angry, Mike rushes his doggie to the vet. Susan and Mike wait for the dog to "pass" the earring. Mike confesses that he's a widow and that the dog was his wife's. He apologizes for snapping. Susan realizes she has stiffer competition that Edie, and for now at least, throws in the towel.

Mary Alice's husband and son are still creepy. Her husband pulled a chest out from the hole he dug in the pool. After making sure the chest was security shut, he dropped it off the pier in the middle of the night. Apparently, he didn't feel the need to weigh it down. At the end of the show, the mystery chest surfaces.

JFK v W: Confessions, Part II

I'm sure you can find lots of coverage on the debate if you didn't watch it. I thought it was great! Kerry finally grew a pair and said what needed to be said. Bush, on the defense, pulled out the "L" word through his ramblings... Liberal.

But when it comes to the choices of a tax and spend liberal verses a no tax and spend fiscally irresponsible "conservative" which would you rather have?

Also, using the threat of "Big Government" Liberalism exactly which administration enacted the Patriot Act?

Is history repeating itself (not talking 'bout Florida)?
While I know Bush is a fundamentalist, it concerns me how much of the era of Jesus he's actually historically familiar with, incidentally the world of Rome. The Christian conservative movement is so fond of making the United States analogous to Rome in the sense that "even Romans didn't legalize gay marriage." How different are we, really? Rome was a great cultural, philosophical, and political Republic. When war ravaged the lands near Rome, their Senate's power was usurped and total authoritarian control was given to the Caesar (Julius, if memory serves). The Justification? National Security. He swore to keep Rome safe. For this promise, the Roman people relinquished their freedom. Once Paul (the world's first Catholic who at one point was a Jew named Saul) reached Rome delivering his bastardized interpretation of Jesus's reformed ideas of Judaism. At this point, all hell broke loose. That's basically it. Of course, there were crusades, Popes, inquisitions, holocaust, plagues, war, etc. So, why are liberals so outraged? Because, we, as educated peoples* understand what fear and manipulation can do to a society.

*Many Christian Conservatives (not Fiscal Conservatives like myself) believe that the educational system in this country is filled with Liberals who teach only to spread their liberal agendas like the theory of evolution. Of course, the fact that education and science in essence contradict Fundamentalism's blatant denial of fact may have something to do with it.

"I defended your right to life. Now, go die for your country in the Middle East."

So, Mr. President, since you're so proud of being a compassionate conservative, can you please look directly into the camera and tell me how compassionate can conservatives really be?

  • Death Penalty, even against the mentally ill... Check
  • Forcing a woman to birth a child of incest... Check
  • Forcing a woman to continue with a life threatening pregnancy... Check
  • Calling away our National Guard to defending another nation... Check
  • Forbidding legal marriage between two people who genuinely love each other... Check
  • Guzzling all the Dinosaur fuel without researching alternatives... Check
  • Denying healthcare to your people... Check

Friday, October 08, 2004

BREAKING BOX NEWS: Spike takes on "The Mountain"

According to a TV Guide blurb James Marsters (Spike aka William the Bloody) will be making a guest appearence on The Mountain on November 3rd.

"According to a WB rep, there's a "chance" Marsters could recur — which would mean you'd have to watch more than one episode of The Mountain. Scary but true." -

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Watch PA as it Slip Slides Away...

"Pennsylvania's just this state that's in your way when you want to get somewhere else. "

... somewhere like, say, the White House. Love it or leave it, winning PA, and our 21 electoral votes, is a near requirement to be president (unless you're George Bush circa 2000). Anomolies aside, PA has been crowned the swing state this time around. Why are we so swingin'? Because our cities vote Democratic and our fields vote Republican. If you've ever driven through Pennsylvania on the way to somewhere else, you know we have a lot of fields, enought to match our city populations.

Last week's post debate opinion offered up some insight from my security mom co-workers... the demographic of this election, at least for now. The SM's were influence by Bush's "idiocy" and this week commented on how scared they were of Cheney after catching the V.P. debate. Apparently, my neighborly SM's aren't the only Pennsylvanian's making up their mind.

Today, the news out of Harrisburg was good, grand even:

Sen. John F. Kerry has opened a seven-point lead in the presidential race in Pennsylvania.

those figures are even taking into account the Nader debauchial we have going on here as well. You think Florida got messy? Our courts wouldn't let Nader on the ballot, then on appeal decided to allow the third candidate just in time to have our absentee ballots printed. The next court up most likely will over turn that decision before November which would in turn, nullify all votes that went to Nader in absentee ballots. For more, read this.

And... if that doesn't have your head spinning enough, my mother brought up a "think about this" issue durring her birthday dinner the other night. "What about all those nursing home folks that can't make it to polls and instead fill out absentee ballots. You know a couple of them at least have to croak in the mean time, but we count the dead people's votes, right?" My mother being insightful? She was so proud of herself the moment I said, "I never really thought of that."


Lost 1-03: "Tabula Rasa"

a.k.a. When Mercy Killings Go Wrong...

Tabula Rasa ("clean slate") is the first post pilot episode and very "Kate" centric. At the end of the pilot, our transciever party was at the top of the mountain upset by the 16 year cycled signal they pick up. The team is working their way back to the beach camp as tensions mount. Kate eventually ends up with gun. Back on the beach, Dr. Jack and Hurley the Dude work at trying to save the supposed marshall's life. He keeps reiterating how dangerous Kate is. Only Dr. Jack and Hurley have seen her mug shot. Jin continues to make his wife act proper. The group decides not to share the news of the signal with the others to keep hope alive. Kate takes Dr. Jack asside and gives him the bad news. As the marshall slowly dies, the castaways are tormented by his cries and screams. He asks for Kate. Kate unwilling to end his suffering has Sawyer do it. I would have thought a bullet to the head would suffice, but Sawyer goes for the heart... missing and instead collapsing a lung. At this point the marshall starts spewing blood and convulsing. Dr. Jack says it will take hours for him to die now. There are no more bullets left. Dr. Jack walks into the tent and takes the situation into his own hands, literally I 'm assuming. Later, he and Kate conoodle on the beach. As she's about to confesses her sins, he stops her saying that 3 days ago, they all died. Nothing from the past matters anymore.

Secrets... everybody's got 'em! Tabula Rasa is all about Kate's secrets. In Australlia, she ended up working for a farmer who found her asleep with his sheep one day. He paid her to help keep up the farm. After three months, she tries to sneak out in the middle of the night. The farmer convinces her to stay one more day and offers to drive her to the train station. On the way, Kate realizes they're being tailed. The farmer confesses to blowing the whistle on her hide out for the $23,000 in reward money. After a damaging accident that left the farmer bloody and unconcious, Kate pulls him to safety from the burning vehicle. It doesn't give her enough time to get away and the marshall catches up and takes her into custody... until the crash. Kate is also Canadian.

And the wailing and the stomping? For about a second there were some jungle grumbles that sent Michael (Harold Perrineau Jr.) running panicked right into Jin's naked wife (Yunjin Kim). But, no polar bears and no tree vacumn. Hurley asked Dr. Jack if the "monster" was a dinosaur. Dr. Jack said of course not because dinosaurs are extint.

Are we still Lost? There's no more additional info on our location.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

THE BOX - Making Appointments & Ratings Reports

I know we've been TV dominated here at The Brain Drain as of late, but it is the new fall season. If you're ever at a loss for what to watch, there's The Box Best Bet's panel on the side with recommendations throughout the week. With nothing new worth tuning into coming from Fox, I'm issuing my Official Appointment Television list for the new fall season. What is appointment television you ask? It's the particular shows which you arrange your plans around or set your VCR's and TiVo's to record. There are few shows in my life I simply couldn't miss, but here's a few:

Beverly Hills 90210 (S1-4), Melrose Place (S1-3), Dawson's Creek (S1-3), The West Wing (Season 1), 24 (all), The X-Files (all), Friends (S1-2) and Angel (S5).

This is a great season for entertainment. Not only have I seen some wicked awesome films this year (ESOTM & Garden State), but even the television is getting better.

If we did nothing but watch television, we'd have a very unfulfilling lives or we'd become delusional and obsessed. So, to clear out the field, here are the shows I'm officials prescribing you an appointment for:

Arrested Development, 8:30 Sunday on Fox (returns in Nov.)

Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m. Sunday on ABC
Veronica Mars, 9 p.m Tuesday on UPN
Lost, 8 p.m. Wednesday on ABC

Ratings update:

Saddly, ratings still rule the networks as an antiquated method to setting advertising fees. Unlike the days when television executives cared about TV (and Music lables about music, and studios about film), very few new shows are given much of a chance - Wonderfalls! So here are the early indicators for the best shows on television.

Arrested Development finished it's first season weak. We'll have to wait until November to see if the triple crown Emmy wins will boost viewership.

Veronica premiered weak and can only go up... or more likely, be cancelled. UPN would be wise to give this show a full season to play out and pick up viewers from MTV.

Lost's pilot was split in two and air on consecutive Wednesdays. The split didn't hurt the show, as Lost found over 18 million viewers. During Saturday reruns of the entire pilot show in the movie of the week format it was designed for, Lost found 9 million additional viewers. This week's numbers will be very interesting. We'll see if viewer were intrigued or disappointed by the killer "tropical" polar bears. We'll also see if people like Kate sweet and simple or if it gets better when she's badder. ABC, who knew?

and last, but certainly not least.... Desperate Housewives not only won it's time slot or the night, but took top honors for highest rated new series. In fact with over 21 million viewers, DH's premiered to higher ratings than any other show this season, or last season, or the season before that! Take that CSI.

Monday, October 04, 2004

THE BOX: Desperate & Legal

My my my... someone's been spiking the watercooler over at ABC. Yes, ABC seems to have stolen someone's thunder to give it 3 of the best shows on television (4 if you're counting Alias). I don't know what they're doing, but they're doing it well. Last night Desperate Housewives and Boston Legal premiered ending the intro to the fall season (save for Fox).


Before we get started, I would like to say how super surprised I was about two bits of casting. I'm partially surprised that I didn't know anything about this until I was watching the show. Which, in a world of internet news, was kind of refreshing. Anyway... First, who is this Mary Alice because it certainly isn't Sheryl Lee? Lee's probably most famous for playing a corpse in the pilot episode of an ABC cult classic over a decade ago. As Laura Palmer in Twin Peaks, she solidified a small spot in pop culture history. So, was she type cast to play a dead woman in the opening of ABC's newest tawdry town tale? Maybe. The correlation was enough to get me interested in seeing the show which I originally scoffed at. The deal? The role of Mary Alice was recast to Brenda Strong after the pilot was picked up by the network.

The second bit of casting that threw me for a loop was the role of "the gardner". Jesse E. Metcalfe normally sat beside me in my Actors Craft I class at NYU. I actually ended up producing the last film he shot at NYU before he landed a role on NBC's Passions. He's an all around great guy. As an actor, he's great at taking his shirt off. He's someone, unlike a few classmates, I'm happy to see "making it".

Meet the Housewives of Wisteria Lane.

Now that that diatribe's over, let's get back to the show. Playing Hollywood... Desperate Housewives is a cross between Edward Scissorhands, anything by David Lynch, and Melrose Place (which explains some casting choices). In a setting reminiscent of Stepford or Peyton Place, Wisteria Lane is home to upper middle class suburbanites with desperate lives and dirty little secrets. I constantly heard that this show was a take on American Beauty. Besides the suburban debauchery, I don't get it. It's tone is completely different, at least in this blogger's opinion.

DH 1-01: Pilot

Wife 1: Mary Alice (Brenda Strong)
Why is she so desperate? Mary Alice has a secret. That's what the whole show is about. Aside from the fact that she grabbed a pistol and blew out her brains to open the series we don't know too much about her. She narrates letting us in on everyone else's issues. Her husband can be found digging up the concrete of the pool late at night, but we don't know why yet. The day Mary Alice shot herself, she received a letter threatening to reveal her mysterious skeleton.

Wife 2: Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher)
A successful children's book illustrator, Susan is lacking in all skills domestic. She's a mother to a teenager and recent divorcee with a touch of Ally McBeal single girl neuroticism. She can't cook, even macaroni and cheese. Her husband left her for his secretary. Always on the look out for a good man, she's normally out sexed by Wisteria Lane's siren-like slut, Edie Britt (Nicolette Sheridan). When a hot new plumber (James Denton) moves in across the street, the competition is on to see who's pipes he can unclog first. Susan discovers that Edie is has a night of seduction planned and tries to coyly delay or dissway the impending fornication. Susan sneaks into Edie's home looking for a cup of sugar only to accidentally start a fire which burns the house down. As all of Wisteria Lane gawks on the corner, Susan runs into Plumber Mike who just got home. Susan is over joyed that he wasn't the one unclogging Edie. Plumber Mike seems to have some secrets of his own, we just don't know what they are yet.

Wife 3: Bree Van de Kamp (Marcia Cross)
My current favorite DH, Bree is "perfect" down to her pearls. She cooks gourmet meals every night, takes care of her husband, and even does her own gardening. She creepy in her perfection. Or, Maybe it's just the memory of Marcia Cross's superb portrayal of psychotic Dr. Kimberly on Melrose Place. Everyone thinks Bree is the perfect wife and mother, that is except for her husband and kids. Her children long for pork and beans and her husband for the normalcy of burnt toast. After a compromised outing to what appeared to be a Pizza Hut, Mr. Van de Kamp asks for a divorce. In her haste, Bree makes him a salad with onions. Surviving a near deadly allergic attack, he accuses Bree of trying to poison him.

Wife 4: Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria)
A former runway model who likes rich food and rich men, married her high powered corporate whore of a husband because he could give her everything she's ever wanted. The problem, as she puts it to the teenage gardener she's banging on the side (Jesse Metcalfe) is that she wanted all the wrong things. She's just a possession, like the $23,000 kitchen table or her $15,000 diamond necklace. She's miserable. When her husband threatens to fire the gardener for not doing his job, she rushes home from a social dinner to catch up on the lawn work insuring that her boy toy will be around for more afternoon fun.

Wife 5: Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman)
Lynette shattered the glass ceiling at her company and was on the way even higher. After she gave birth to triplets, she decided to give up the power and prestige for the fulfillment of domestic life. With a new born infant, three problem children, and a traveling husband, Lynette longs to be back in a boardroom. She delivered two of the best moments of the pilot. On the way to Mary Alice's wake, she threatens her boys with a call to Santa's cell phone calling off Christmas this year if they step out of line. "I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an elf." They proceed to embarrass her anyway taking a leap into the pool. When her husband rushes home from out of town business for some "afternoon delight", he asks her to "chance it" instead of reaching for some condoms. She slugs him right in the face.

DH is beautifully stylistic to an extent that most television shows never reach. The writing and direction is top notch. While the story lines offer the guilty pleasure of tawdry housewives, there is a darker, campier, kitschier fantasy world along Wisteria Lane. The arc of secrets, lies, and homicide is enough to keep you coming back next week. For a pilot, the show delivers 100% with a talented cast who will give Edie Falco and Allison Janey a run for their money come GG and Emmy time.

Desperate Housewives garners another "Abso (F-ing) lutely" recommendation from me. As a side note, DH will switch time slots to make room for Alias come January. The good news is that Arrested Development will also be switching from it's current 8:30 slot to 9 p.m. on Fox. So with all the switching, the two shows hopefully won't conflict.

BOSTON LEGAL - 10 p.m. Sun., ABC

Boston Legal was given birth to by the last couple train wreck seasons of The Practice. Legal follows the characters of sleaze machine - in a good way - Alan Shore (James Spader) and sweet and sultry Tara Wilson(Rona Mitra) out of the gutter of the Practice to a large and in charge firm headed by Denny Crane (William Shatner). Both Shatner and Spader won Emmy's for their Practice performaces last season giving Boston Legal a bonus start right out of the block. The last few Practice episodes were already taking place at the firm.

Boston Legal: 1-01 "Head Cases"

Alan takes an equal opportunity case involving a very talented chubby African American girl whose mother feels she was unfairly looked over for the role of Annie, a skinny white girl. Alan, immediately, in a pissing contest with lawyer Brad Chase who just returned from the D.C. office, lays money on the line. Brad in turn takes on a case of an woman fighting her maniacal ex-husband for legal permission to move with their children to New York City. In the midst of all of this, Denny is having an affair with the trophey wife of the firm's best client. After hiring a private investigator, the client returns with a gun to shoot Denny. Denny taunts the client until he breaks down commenting that he bought the client that pistol, a starter pistol. Rabbits: At one point during the show, Denny declares to Alan to pull a rabbit out of his hat to win the Annie case. As the judge was about to rule in favor of the producers of the touring musical, who but the Reverend Al Sharpton bursts through the doors begging and pleading and lecturing everyone about the little girl's cause and rights to dream. Exiting the court room, he let's Alan know he's a rabbit, a gift from Denny Crane. Alan pulls a rabbit of his own setting up the sleazy ex-husband in Brad's case with a hooker. He uses the pictures to blackmail the man into being permissive with their client. At the end of the day, everyone wins with their immoral behavior.

I miss Rebecca DeMornay's character of Hannah. Over all the premier had a rabbit of it's own with Sharpton and a pantless Larry Miller. Was it good? Yes. Great? Not quite. The performances of Spader and Shatner are without a doubt award worthy, but the supporting cast, including gorgeous Rona Mitra, seem lost, pointless, and kinda boring. The show is worth the watch, but nothing to lose sleep over.

Recommendation: If you're not busy...