Thursday, May 19, 2005

Give a girl a break (down)

So, since I’ve last shared my comments with the world, I’ve had two (or more) nervous breakdowns, helped put half a new roof on my mom’s house, got sun burned at the future inlaws’ yard sale, designed my wedding cake, found out I need a new stylist for my wedding, dropped 8 pounds, gained back 5, been forced to yodel in business meeting, and had a “pre-stroke episode” consisting of a condition know as aura vision. I know I’m a drama queen, but it really has been kind stressful. Oh, back to the simple times of college. Where have I been, I’m sure you’re thinking. Cause you want all my wonderful opinions of course. I know, What a time to have everything fall apart!

I have yet to make it to the theater to see Kingdom of Heaven and Crash. Now with the Sith folks, it’s gonna be way too pack for my frazzled girly nerves to handle it.

Do it Daddy…

No wonder mama Echoll's killed herself. Or did she? I smell a season two plot twist.

Veronica Mars wrapped up it’s stellar debut season with a phenomenal last two hours. So who killed Lily Kane? It wasn’t her dad – been there done that Twin Peaks fans. Was it Duncan, who by the by, is not Veronica’s brother. Whew! That was a close case of incest. Was it one of Lily’s lovers? Yes, yes it was, but not the one (which ever one) it is you’re thinking. Keith Mars! No, just kidding. The long awaited murderer was none other that Col. Mustard, I mean Aaron Echolls (Harry Hamlin). After seeing HH in “Blow Out,” not to mention Clash of the Titans, I find him very disturbing. I’m glad he was the scum in question. Why? Because I just love Logan too damn much.

Veronica may have wrapped up all the loose ends besides you know the identity of the person who came a knocking at 3 a.m.

Is it over yet?

Jack Bauer’s fourth day in the public eye is finally drawing to a close. This is the worst season of 24 ever. It’s so bad it tries to be good again. Alas, it gets stuck. After reading an article last fall about how character of Jack was based on Captain Kirk, I can’t take the man seriously anymore. I just can’t. I keep watching out of habit, but it is quite sad. A couple weeks ago, Chloe killed a man to the worst “duh, duh, duh” scoring I’ve ever heard. God forgive me, but bring back Kim and Nina. While overly predictable for the viewers, their antics are still better than this shit. Oh, and in case you forgot, I love Tony (and his soul patch.) Can Carlos Bernard (Soulpatch) join the cast of Lost next season? He can help Sawyer with all his shirtless sweaty needs, like bamboo chopping…

Uh, yeah. You work that bamboo, mmm... just like that.

Two boat loads of fun

Yes, Exodus is upon us. Last night four of our beloved castaways set a course for the virgin sea. Next week, none of our questions will be answered on the two hour season finale (Exodus pt. II) of Lost. What can I say? Island has power, kids are the key, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Once and for all Jackie boy, my torch is bigger than your torch. Wanna play "Star Wars" ?

Anyway, I had this dream the other night that I opened up the hatch from the jungle. Actually, there were two hatches, the numbered hatch from Lost and the seal of Danzalthar (BTVS Season 7). Anyway, I opened the hatch which was linked to the seal with some kind of magical code with the help of my cat. Suddenly blue goo, like paint, oozed out only to become diluted to the point of aqua water. It smelled like kerosene causing my head to ache. I tossed my cat out a window to a space with clean air. Then I woke up with a level 10 migraine. Yes, I am this much of a dork.

Speaking of blue water...

Did anyone happen to see the end of Revelations? I saw three episodes: the first two and the last one - Mostly because Ben (mine) hates Jennifer Garner (more so than I once did) and won’t watch Alias. So, that was probably the crappiest ending to any mini series I’ve ever seen. It’s the worst ending to any film, play, short story, tv show, and joke in my consciousness. WTF?
Okay, sorry for that sidenote.

‘Til Death Do Us Part…

DH and Lost fans, look for one of the characters in each show to die in the next week. I’d be most happy with Andrew (DH) and Michael (Lost) cause both are overly annoying.

Backing up the Front

As If that wasn’t enough, the networks have rolled out their new schedules as I bring up the back end of the upfronts.

ATTN UPN: Morons! I CAN’T watch Lost & Veronica Mars at the same time!!!!!
Top Model a strong lead in my ass. Honestly, your network sucks. It’s not about giving Veronica a stronger lead in, it’s about what the show is up against. I’ll give up any Law & Order, even 24, Alias, House, but not Lost. It’s time to blink UPN. Thursdays at 8 sounds good to me.

Make new friends…

Television is truly missing a show about scientists and law enforcement and sexual tension between collegues. Leave it to Fox to come up with the ever original ideas.

David Boreanez has a new X-Filey type show on Fox called Bones which gets an actual valuable AI lead in. Granted, that’s if Bones doesn’t get cancelled before hand.

Memo to Alyson: Get better hair. Hire a stylist. I hear Harry Hamlin - your tv papa - knows a guy.

Alyson Hannigan finally had a sitcom picked up; this one on CBS with Neil Patrick Harris called “How I met your mother”. Xander, I mean Nicholas Brendon, also has a comedy on Fox’s schedule, Kitchen Confidential. That’s right, those Buffversers refuse to stay dead.

Just one more thing Xander has in common with my Ben. A Chef's jacket.

Divine Intervention

God doesn't care about ratings and neither do we! Long live Arrested Development.

The best news of all is that Arrested Development was also picked up and will settle in right at home on Monday nights. YAY!

For the lowdown on the networks newbies and rearranging, check out pretty much any entertainment news site like Variety or Zap2it.

All of this and Rene Zellweger pulled a Julia Roberts, secret weddings between A list super talents and country singers never work out, darling.

And that’s simply all the more I can write about for now.



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